I'm tired.

And, how much more could I say after that? It speaks for itself. Honestly, I am just tired again. Tired of everything. Tired of the world, and what it's (we've) become, tired of not being able to see the beauty in myself, tired of being underestimated, tired of being so small and frail, tired of never feeling the way I should, tired of never committing to something, tired of never making something happen for myself.... And, it's not like I don't want things or I don't have drive enough. Maybe it is. I have so little motivation to finish things. I don't believe I've ever finished what I started. Ever in my whole lifetime. I'm tired of it all. Only GOD can save me. But only I can make the choice to be saved..

It's been a long while, and the stress is decomposing me...

It's been 2 months since, I last posted. I've been so stress. Since around February everything has been going wrong. I still don't have the time to type it out, but this time I'll leave you with the lovely words of my friend Sabrina. We were discussing a dream, and she spoke of rain to me. :} It hadn't rained in a while. I live in the valley of California, and we rarely get rain. Amazingly, it's raining today, but this was about 2 weeks ago.

"Haa
last night i dreampt pf rain
some drops i kept under my tongue
and the rest i drank through my skin
i thought it a good place as any
to lay and rest
on the ground so clean and sterile
there was even a drain to match
it'd all be washed away when the hounds came for me at night."

This woman just uncontrollably speaks these vivid metaphors to me. I love you little miss.